If ever someone kills me in cold blood, this is my wish:
First thing is I will try my damndest to make my last words, ‘I will haunt you!’ Then this is where I need your help. You all will find my killer and start doing weird ghost things to this person (ex. Making doors open in the middle of the night, write weird things on their walls, putting my voice on their electronic devices, etc…) Then you will capture my killer. Find a ‘Medium’ and have them get ‘possessed’ by me. They’ll say this as me:
I told you I would haunt you. You killed the wrong person because now your life on Earth is going to be not fun…and stuff.
Then send my killer to prison. On his death bed hand him a hand written note that says:
Psyche! I was never really haunting you, it was my friends all along.
Then video tape his reaction and BOOM, you’ve got a pretty sweet reality TV show.
I Know More Than You by John Thome
I know more than you.
You took a poli sci class?
I took two.
Both times I got an ‘A’
I bet you got a ‘B’
or a ‘C’
or a ‘D’
Do you fail to realize that I know more than you?
You don’t know what you’re talking about
and you should quit posting your political views on Facebook.
But you should listen to my political thoughts,
they’re on my Facebook page.
I’m sure you’ll change your mind.
I watch a cable news channel all day
…I’m in the know
and I know more than you
because you watch a different cable news channel.
You think you can tell me how I should vote?
You think you can tell me what is right?
And what is wrong?
You should vote how I vote.
You think you’re proud of your candidate?
I think the same way about my candidate,
except I’m prouder.
You think you can make your point by screaming the loudest?
That won’t solve anything.
Because I can scream louder.
You don’t know what is best for me,
You don’t know what is best for the country.
Quit forcing your opinions on me.
Because I already know what’s best for me,
I already know what’s best for the country.
I know what’s best for you too,
because I know more than you.
Day 1 of Omaha Comedy Week. http://omahype.com/2012/07/mayor-suttle-proclaims-omaha-comedy-week/ Photo Credit goes to Jim Brazda. More comedy to come, spread the word.
I’VE GONE ON STAGE, I DESERVE TO CALL MY SELF A COMIC! Ok, I’m not what you’d call a ‘professional’ comic, because I don’t do it for a living, nor have I made money doing it, but I do consider myself a comic. Just like I consider people that make music, but aren’t doing it for a living or getting paid for it, musicians. Agree with Ian on the rape jokes and ‘shock’ humor too for the most part. I hope I don’t use those jokes in my set, but there might be a few jokes that are categorized as that. I’m just trying to develop my act and my jokes, and I’ll continue to get better. Good job IDT.
by Ian Douglas Terry
I’ve recently been at odds with a certain word in the English language, and this word is “rape” and how it fits into the confines of the world of comedy. (Though I perform in a comedy group and do a large amount of comedy shows I do not feel the need to call myself a…